Melissa McGeachie

A Scientific Account of the Magnificent Winged McGeachie

As told by renowned scientist Megan “Mega” Putnam

(Sound of wind in the pines)
(Blue skies and sunshine)
(The birds trill flute-like in the distance)

Today is a very exciting day. I’m so glad that you could be with me here, in the majestic woods at Camp Augusta, as we take advantage of what is a fairly common opportunity these days to get a glimpse of the wild Winged McGeachie. As far as we scientists know, there is in fact only one Winged McGeachie in existence on the planet today – an incredibly rare and exotic species indeed.

We have traveled to this small corner of the world, nestled in the forested mountains of the Sierra Nevadas in California, in order to observe the Winged McGeachie in her most favored locale to date. Though the exact, detailed origins of the Winged McGeachie are still largely unknown, we do know that she was raised in Calgary, Canada and is exceptionally well-adapted to living in cold, harsh climates. Though the Winged McGeachie is indeed somewhat susceptible to the cold, she has evolved an astounding ability over the course of her life to seek out warm, colorful bits of yarn that she actually crochets into cozy hats, gloves, and scarves to protect herself from the elements. Incredible, really.

The Winged McGeachie is a remarkably intelligent species, perhaps one of the brightest of its particular genus. Ambitious by nature, the McGeachie is widely renowned for seeking every and any chance to learn. She is quite partial to biology and mathematics, often seizing even the most minute of opportunities to share her knowledge with anyone who is interested. The Winged McGeachie exudes a particularly infectious type of enthusiasm, as well. In fact, her excitement is contagious, can get into your blood, and will permanently alter your outlook on life.

Though the Winged McGeachie has been known to excel in many, many realms, she does appear to focus on a few particular preferences at any given point in time. As a young McGeachie, she spent hours moving in time to various types of music – a movement that some scientists have taken to classify as dancing. This fledgling propensity for bright colors and sequined spandex seems to have been a sophisticated evolutionary tactic, preparing the Winged McGeachie for her future migration to Camp Augusta.

The Winged McGeachie is a natural-born swimmer despite that fact that she chooses to spend the majority of her time living on dry land. Some have described the McGeachie’s movements in water as similar to those of an otter: at ease, carefree, playful, and energetic. On warm summer days, the Winged McGeachie can frequently be found basking in the sun on the rocks above the clear, green Yuba River. The McGeachie is also a skilled climber and often prefers her various perches high in the branches of the pine trees at Camp Augusta. Very little can keep the Winged McGeachie from seeking shelter high above the ground, including serious injury. In fact, she has been known to push the limit extensively – against doctors’ strong recommendations – in order to spend time in her beloved trees.

Most recently, the Winged McGeachie has displayed an impressive ability to form bits of muddy clay into bowl-like structures. Though early on these structures had a tendency to collapse unexpectedly, the more recent iterations have shown remarkable resilience and appear to have true functional value in the life of the Winged McGeachie and those around her. These incredible creations very closely resemble the normal plastic flatware that we have become accustomed to eating and drinking from, yet are very much more colorful and artistic. Our visit to Camp Augusta has revealed a surprising number of them scattered about the site.

Omnivorous species tend to thrive in many different types of environments and the Winged McGeachie is certainly no exception. She will eat just about anything and is well-adapted to surviving through feast and through famine. The Winged McGeachie does have strong preferences, however, and will seek out organic vegetables, Bernard Callebaut chocolate, and expensive cheese whenever reasonably possible. In times of particularly abundant resources, she may make the extra trip into Nevada City for her favorite rare treat – lobster benedict. The only thing that the Winged McGeachie will go hungry to avoid eating is a mushroom of any sort, no matter how deliciously it is prepared. The scientific community is still working overtime to understand exactly what her aversion is to this perfectly good food source.

We may conclude this segment of scientific discovery by discussing the social tendencies of the Winged McGeachie. Although she is a strong individual who does well living solo, observation indicates that the McGeachie truly thrives among the company of many. This single fact seems to be the most likely reason for the Winged McGeachie’s otherwise odd decision to travel so far south of her place of birth – Camp Augusta is home to a community that is abundant with youth, energy, excitement, creativity, encouragement, laughter, adventure, and education. There is “organized chaos” in the magical woods of Camp Augusta, a newly-adopted scientific expression that accurately describes just what it is about this place that makes it the most natural and thus desirable habitat for the Winged McGeachie. After 5 years in this locale, she doesn’t show any signs of leaving, and the resources she requires for sustenance are plentiful.

If you have a chance to visit Camp Augusta this summer be sure to keep an eye out for the magnificent Winged Mcgeachie, perhaps disguised as an Assistant Director. You may not see her if you don’t look closely, but you will probably be able to hear her singing “Zimba” near a campfire under the stars.