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There Once Was a Village
Props: A djembe, something to beat it with, and any costume you like
Method: Go into the bedroom and begin with a slow story that you tell to an even rhythm of the drum being beaten. The story is basically improv and it pertains to a quiet village where everyone is happy and nothing amazing ever happens, and people ride bikes and do sudoku and play Parcheesi and such. Then all of a sudden one day there is a Polar bear in the village (or whatever), start beating the drum out of control and running around the room yelling about the Polar bear and screaming and mimicking people’s reactions. Then one day the Polar Bear went away, and the drum rhythm returns to normal… and the people were happy again, etc, etc. Go on with as many chapters as you like, adding scary disasters to the lives of the townsfolk. The execution is the key here, and timing of the story will make it funny.
Bubble Machine and Pied Piper Music
Props: Helps if you can play a flute or some other instrument. Guitar will work. A bubble machine, or bubble wands.
Method: Set a bubble machine right in the entrance of the bedroom and turn it on. While its running, prance into the room with your instrument and start playing as you beckon your child to follow you to the land of awesomey greatness. The more you play like a fruit loop and prance around, the funnier it will be. Elaborate on the place they are going to, so there is a story element as well.
Musical Warnings
Props: 3 different instruments
Method: In this wake up, you will enter the bedroom three (or four) times, with three different instruments. Each one comes with a warning that the next one will be louder.
The first one is soft with a sweet sound---a native flute or softly played gong. Announce after that that if they don’t get up, something louder might come. The second is a louder but not overwhelming instrument. djembe works well, but guitar or other stringed instrument will work---same announcement after. The third is quite loud but depends on what you may have the skill to play. A cymbal could work, or, maybe a large whistle blown continuously. If you really need to do a fourth one, you might consider banging on a pot with a spoon :-)
Bad Ninja Practice Session
Props: A shinai, a kimono and a Chinese sun hat
Method: Come into the bedroom and announce in your best Asian accent that you are a VERY skilled ninja and are about to practice in three rounds of absolute silence and hit nothing but air with skillful swings. Round one: swing and bash all the walls and wail kung fu noises for about 15 seconds. Then stop, go to the center and bow, and announce round two: even more silent and even more skillful. Proceed to bash the walls and wail again even louder. Repeat for round three: the most silent of all, and demonstrative of your true ninja skill. Go absolutely bonkers and beat the resting child out of their bed until they are laughing hysterically.
Olympic Skiing
Props: Put on a ridiculous onesie, goggles and gather two fun noodles to use as poles
Method: Jump into the bedroom as though you are landing a huge ski jump. Jump on to the bed and pretend to be cutting turns on a freestyle or slalom intermittently with 360’s and tail grabs while jumping around. After a few minutes, pretend to get to the end of the course and pose for pictures and video while you talk about how difficult your tricks were.
Medic Ball Drill Attack
Props: Gather a bag full of medic balls (or other soft play balls) and a whistle. A coach outfit helps as well.
Method: Come into the bedroom and tell the child(ren) its drill time and start whistling and doing warm up exercises. When no one gets up to join you for jumping jacks, yell “dodgeball!!” and start throwing medic balls at the bed. They are sure to get up within a few seconds and start throwing them back. Once they are up, the freestyle, no rules dodgeball will last about 2 minutes until they lose all the balls out of the bedroom or just start wrestling you.
Scared Wrestlers
Props: Both wrestlers will be in full costume and possible props include rubber fish or chickens, or anything that would be opposite to what a wrestler in real life would have. Think about props that will provide excuses to not fight as well.
Method: Two wrestlers enter the bedroom ready to fight talking about how easily they will conquer their opponent but when the time comes to actually get down to it they keep coming up with ridiculous excuses why they cannot wrestle, such as their cat has gone missing and they need to finish knitting a sweater for their grandmother.
Both wrestlers are afraid of each other and may or may not end up wrestling in the end…if they do then it will be short and sweet with a comedic style where the winner brings out a surprise element such as a rubber fish that totally breaks the other wrestler.
Legendary Dodge Ball Player
Props: Dodge balls (or other soft balls), 3 people, costumes.
Method: This one must be set up with a legend. A story teller introduces the story of the legendary dodge ball player: you blink and he hits you, he is so good that he can pelt you with a dodge ball at 1000 yards out in high winds with his left hand… and the most important, he is coming to this house to hit YOU!
Then, an old, really bad dodge ball player cheats them, throwing balls very soft and making grunting noises. He has a walking cane in one hand, and throws meekly with the other, then gets tired and asks the child if they have seen his denture cream.
Finally the legendary dodge ball player comes in with a cape and mask on and hits the child with many balls, pelting them left and right until chaos ensues!
King of the Pride Lands
Props: A makeshift lion suit and your family cat
Method: Come into the cabin singing the opening Lion King song by Elton John (Circle of Life), holding your family cat into the air, and present her as though she is Simba. The more ridiculous the lyrics sound and the more over the top it is, the funnier it will be.
Resources: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vX07j9SDFcc
Wild Savannah
Props: Costumes, and a leash.
Method: One family member dresses as a wild savannah animal and the other as a TV presenter. The wild animal is then led into the bedroom on a leash. He growls and snarls as he comes in, snapping at the child. The TV presenter then promises that it is ok because he has the animal under control, and then starts telling the child all about him and what his niche in the wild is like. All of a sudden, the animal breaks free and attacks the presenter, mauling him to death. He then turns on the child and jumps on their bed, howling.
The Winchester Wake Up
Props: Needs two people. 1 is dressed as a dog. The other is a dog trainer complete with tweed jacket, whistle and some sticks.
Method: Both enter the bedroom. The dog, “Winchester”, huffs and makes dog sounds. Trainer blows a whistle and sets the premise that they are preparing for a dog show. Trainer throws sticks around the cabin and they are retrieved by Winchester. This involves jumping on beds and picking the stick up in your mouth! Commitment is important.
At the end the trainer goes through a list such as: “Sit” “Sit pretty” “Roll Over” “Stay”, etc. Leave with enthusiasm.
Weak Sauce Stuntmen
Props: 2 family members and funny costumes
Method: Each person dresses as a stuntman/daredevil and comes into the room touting his/her awesomeness. As the two notice each other is doing the same thing, they start to down play each other and ridicule each other’s weak stunts.
A volley begins, and each lists a series of “amazing” things they have done, which are all basically awful :-) jumping off a sidewalk curb, winking with a thumbs up at the same time, doing two summersaults in a row, etc.
Finally, a challenge ensues in which each will match the other’s stunt until they see who is best.
For this part, creativity and character maintenance is key. Each stuntman is obviously afraid of heights and totally bogus at doing tricks. So, each one is progressively more boring until they decide on the finale to jump off the top bunk together and see who lives.
Once they climb to the top, they both decide that the top is what anyone would do, which makes it more weak. They decide to jump from a few steps down, then further down, then they finally jump from a few inches off the ground.
The downplays of each other continue, and they leave while arguing.
Dueling Comedians
Props: Two family members needed, and a list of bad jokes to work with (REALLY bad). Each is dressed as some sort of leisure-suit idiot, holding a fake microphone.
Method: Enter the bedroom together, each making bad jokes and taunting the other for being worse and having jokes that aren’t even funny. Once this has gone on for a while, the two get so annoyed with one another’s awfulness that they become irate and start fighting.
The fight turns into a roll-around that ranges all over the room, over the bed and onto the child. The fight can also include a bunch of comic near misses that actually connect with the child.
In the end, the comedians roll out the door of the room and disappear.
Airplane
Props: Flight attendant costume.
Method: Come into the bedroom dressed as a flight attendant and tell your child that the airplane has started its descent into your neighborhood. Go through the airline speech about stowing baggage, the upright position, etc. time and weather at destination, hope you had a great flight!
Space Alien
Props: A light, an alien costume.
Method: The alien lands directly outside the bedroom. Shine a large light into the room and wave the light around to simulate landing lights. Come into the room with the light in hand dressed as an Alien and offer greetings and that you mean no harm. However your child reacts, mirror their response. In one case they threw water at the Alien, and he returned this by saying “Oh, is this how you do the customary greeting on earth?” and then threw water back at them. Yay! Now we’re friends!!
Fairies and Bubbles
Props: Fairy costume, bubbles
Method: It’s exactly what it sounds like, except without all the majesty of beauty, grace and elegance. Dress in costume, preferably with wings, and prance around the bedroom like a ninny blowing bubbles all over your child. Tap them each with a magic wand when its time to get up. The more you act like a bizarre version of a loopy fairy godmother, the funnier. Enjoy.
Christmas in July? You Betcha! (adapt as desired)
Props: This wake-up is a two-person operation!
Method: One person enters the room carrying a Christmas tree and a plate of cookies/milk. He sets the food down in the middle of the room while singing Jingle Bells and gets the child excited about the idea of Christmas in July. He moves the tree from trying to find the perfect place before admitting the heat is frustrating and that Christmas in July doesn’t work in the Northern Hemisphere. He says this wake-up isn’t working so I’ll be back with another one soon and then leaves. After he leaves, another person enters the room. He is dressed as Santa and carries a bag of soft playground balls to represent his sack. He carries some bells and merrily chants “Ho! Ho! Ho!” and all that good stuff. He asks who has been naughty and nice and gives the child a ball then eats the food before leaving.
After Santa leaves the first person returns to find the food eaten and mess of medic balls all over the room and berates the child for eating the food. He wonders where the balls came from and is sad he missed Santa’s visit. Bring the magic!
Accidental Assassination
Props: Ninja outfits, swords (can be fun noodle with a handle inserted)
Method: Bust in with ninja moves and destroy them with swords, stop after a moment and act confused. Check the appointment times “shoot I think we mixed up the schedule again, we were supposed to be massaging at this time, and assassination isn’t for another forty minutes. Let’s try to massage them back together with our swords.”
Chauffeur to Bathroom
Props: Wheel barrow (or a desk chair – anything with wheels on!), costumes like a taxi driver
Method: Wake your child up by asking who ordered a taxi. Then invite them to sit in the taxi (wheelbarrow/chair) as you give them a ride to the bathroom. Chatter to them like a taxi driver, shout random abuse to other “drivers” and try to charge them as they get out and move towards the bathroom!
Hot Chocolate Scavenger Hunt
Props: Takes some prep in advance; hide clues around the house and have hot chocolate made in the kitchen.
Method: This method is a variation on many ways of doing this. Wake your child up and give them the first clue (usually a riddle of some kind that is age appropriate). The entire trail can have as many clues in it as you choose. The final clue leads to the kitchen, where a “password” is required to enter. For one example, the password was to create a rap song with the words “flip flops, sun, spoon and Einstein.” After singing, hot chocolate is waiting!
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